It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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