did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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