Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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