Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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