she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
