i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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