My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
