sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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