Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
