it's not cheating when I paid for it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
