What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
