Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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