Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
