if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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