So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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