There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
