Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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