So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Vodka?
Forever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
