i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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