Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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