I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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