If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
