Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
