Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
