I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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