Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
