well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
