Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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