There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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