Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am midnight drunk by noon
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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