Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
