He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
