you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
