so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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