I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
