Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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