I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
