Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
