The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
