Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
