I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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