Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
