I just saw a hot homeless man
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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