I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Are we still banned from the library?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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