Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
