You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
