i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
