Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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