Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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