Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
