i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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