I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
