His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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