Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
