She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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