Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
