We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
